Weighing Heavy Tonight

I get desensitized sometimes. I do what I am required, the 'bread and butter' exams of my job, and forget that there are horrible and amazing things happening all the time. "Stand by, I may need you to bring the pericardial-thoracentesis kit down here." Words uttered into a phone by someone as I wheeled a patient back to their room. "You guys have some very serious things happening here tonight," the worried face spoke to me. Not knowing how to answer, I simply said, "Yep. Its one of those nights." A man, standing at the corner of a hallway, leaning against the wall as if indifferent. Doctors approach him and speak in muffled tones, making me realize that his family is hurting. Someone he loves dearly is not doing well. He stiffly wipes the tears from his cheeks, attempting to remain composed. I see the best and worst parts of myself come out here. It is humbling and causes me to take a different posture. Once again I'm reminded of my fallible nature and desperate need for grace.