Ah, waiting...

After switching off the ignition I sat in the car for a good minute wondering where the strength would come from. It had to be mustered in order to open the door, gather my things, board the elevator and ride it to the first floor, change into scrubs and clip on my name badge, signifying another night at work had begun. Poor sleep has left me more than exhausted the last few days, and truthfully, complaining and grumbling about my shift. While I still hold out that evenings and weekends off is worth the sleepless, cold, lonesome nights in the x-ray department, nights like tonight make it harder to convince myself. Lack of interaction with anyone who isn't in pain or intubated drains me even more, making me reconsider returning to school, if for no other reason to feel like I was learning something new. It is not a new dilemma: tired of the hum-drum, longing for something more, yet not completely settled on what 'more' looks like. It is a cycle of questioning that continues, the answers seemingly just out of reach as they sway back and forth, teasing and tiring me more each moment. The waiting has a hideous effect. And yet, is there anything else to do?